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| 1) During
all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit
a strip club at least once. |
| 2) When they are
alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
other. |
| 3) If being
chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year. |
| 4) All beds have
special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the
armpit level on a woman, but only to the waist level on
the man lying beside her. |
| 5) The Chief of
Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or
give him 48 hours to finish the job. |
|
6) All grocery
bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
|
| 7) It's easy for
anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk
you down. |
| 8) The
ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
place - no one will ever think of looking for you in
there and you can travel to any other part of the
building undetected. |
| 9) Police
departments give their officers personality tests to make
sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is
their polar opposite. |
| 10) The Eiffel
Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. |
| 11) All bombs
are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go
off. |
| 12) If you need
to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition,
even if you haven't been carrying any before now. |
| 13) You are very
likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make
the mistake of showing someone a picture of your
sweetheart back home. |
| 14) Should you
wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent
will do. |
| 15) If your town
is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer
beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist
trade or his forthcoming art exhibition. |
| 16) A man will
show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but
will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. |
| 17) When paying
for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a
bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will
always be the exact fare. |
| 18) Kitchens
don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
night, you should open the fridge door and use that light
instead. |
| 19) If staying
in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises in their most revealing underwear. |
| 20) Mothers
routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
every morning even though their husband and children
never have time to eat it. |
| 21) Cars that
crash will almost always burst into flames. |
| 22) All
telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555. |
| 23) A single
match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of
Dodger Stadium. |
|
24) Medieval
peasants had perfect teeth.
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| 25) Any person
waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant. |
| 26) It is not
necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or
ending phone conversations. |
| 27) Even when
driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary
to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few
moments. |
| 28) It is always
possible to park directly outside the building you are
visiting. |
| 29) A detective
can only solve a case once he has been suspended from
duty. |
| 30) It does not
matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently
attack you one by one by dancing around in a
threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors. |
| 31) When a
person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they
will never suffer a concussion or brain damage. |
| 32) No-one ever
involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic
eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. |
| 33) Television
news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you
personally at the precise moment that it is aired. |
| 34) You can
always find a chainsaw when you need one. |
| 35) Any lock can
be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -
unless it's the door to a burning building with a child
trapped inside. |
| 36) Once
applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba
diving. |
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